Extreme Reading Competition Buzz

Warning, this post may contain humour.

There are many types of competition in the world. In fact thousands of competitions exist in the world. From sport to just about anything you care to name can be made into a challenge involving a ball, a bat, a horse, a swimming pool, eating, drinking, singing, running, dancing, driving, outer space, and let’s not forget the longest, the highest, the bravest, the most foolhardy things to outdo anyone who has tried before.

Of course, more and more now, competing involves a chat show panel or video camera following near-naked people running around the jungle working up a sweat for the ratings and a big pay cheque. Celebrity shows, quiz shows, unreality television, cooking, antiques, and growing gardens. From local country fairs to big city boardrooms, they all love a good competition. Supermarkets and used car dealers love a bit of sales competition and are currently discussing book sponsorship—I wish!

Schools thrive on competition; I think many children are born competitive, it starts with their siblings and works toward world domination. Queenslanders have several forms of competition (gambling casinos, Golden Casket Lottery, Scratch-its, leagues clubs) and one unique game requiring ugly cane toads which jump around when a bucket is lifted off them. (See photo) The first toad to leave the circle or careen through the crowd is the winner. Ugh! Cane toads are an imported noxious pest, destroying habitat and native wildlife. I would like to see a competition to have them eradicated from Australia.

Hey, jumping into a subject which would be impossible to turn into a spectator sport—BOOK READING!

Hang on, isn’t that what Goodreads reviewers do? Yeah, but not with a live studio audience. Maybe this is feasible. “Now,” whispers the show host, “here we have Angela Augustus reading a chapter from a special edition of The Animals in That Country by Laura Jean McKay.” Not classical literature so reader-viewers (or RVs) won’t lose points. “Hands on buzzers”.

Adult Content. Australian native animals not include with book © Gretchen Bernet-Ward 2021

Announcer One: “Watch Angela turn the last page, slowly turning the page, right she’s done it! The audience goes wild and everyone at home clambers online to secure a copy of The Animals in That Country an immersive adult experience with subtle undertones and high drama.”

Announcer Two: “Next up, viewers, we have Angus Augustus, Angela’s twin brother. He is quick, too quick and the audience miss his speed reading, lips barely moving. They admire his patent page-flick technique and the flourish when he shoots the book into its alphabetical place on the bookshelf.”

Book reader Angus is studied by thousands of wannabe speed readers around the country. But what about comprehension? Sports players have to speak into the microphone to explain How they did it/Why they did it/What it felt like when they did it. So put Angus on the pro circuit, tentatively dubbed Real Reading Australia 2030, thanking his mother and first grade teacher. He waves battered copies of Blinky Bill, Possum Magic or even the contentious Wombat Stew, then moves onto Bluey, Animalia and Ranger’s Apprentice enthralling thousands of children across Australia—again, I wish.

The ground swell back to paper books would archive digital copies, screens would go unlit, there would be reading time in every home after dinner. Renegades would read Jasper Fforde far into the night despite work next day. It would not be unusual to see readers sitting for hours engrossed in a p-book instead of an e-book without a café latte or muffin in sight.

A book engrosses a person, it takes all your attention no flashy adverts therefore it is advisable to slowly build up to bigger, thicker, weighty classics. It can be done! Librarians offer recommendations for a good Book Gym where staff talk you through a workout to suit your particular genre. Believe me, people are keen and waiting to read. The first-release promo videos astonished me with reader focus and intensity. I love reading Australian crime novels but cannot discussed top Aussie authors due to Brook Paige TV Clause—another wish.

I myself have entered the genuine Irish William Trevor Challenge reading “Love and Summer” please check out my book review here:
https://thoughtsbecomewords.com/2023/02/14/william-trevor-love-and-summer-review/

My advice is to create a comfortable environment and read up on your chosen author’s booklist before enrolling in the proposed *Real Reading Australia 2030. The genres for this thrilling competition can go either way—traditional or modern—but paper format rules. Polish your *specs dear reader!

♥ Gretchen Bernet-Ward
© Gretchen Bernet-Ward 2023

* Aussie for reading glasses
* This opinion piece is as fictional as the stories I read
(but maybe it’s possible)
GBW Australia

‘Share Your Story’ Writing Competition and Anthology

IMG_20200312_163859 — LEGENDARY BULLOCK TEAM leaving Jondaryan Woolshed, west of Toowoomba, Queensland, loaded with bales of wool. In his heyday 1858-1862 manager James White employed 88 blade shearers in this huge T-shaped woolshed. Illustration hand-printed 1985 by H. Sperring.

Submissions are open for ‘Bedtime Yarns and Ballads from the Australian Bush’ in 2020 Share Your Story.

Here’s what coordinator, author and literary entrepreneur, Michelle Worthington has to say in her newsletter: ‘This year’s theme ‘Bedtime Yarns and Ballads from the Australian Bush’ will have judges looking for creative, engaging short stories or poems inspired by life in Australia, Australian animals, the Outback or overcoming adversity which will appeal to children aged 0 to 12 years to be read at bedtime.’

A ‘yarn’ is a rambling story, particularly one that is implausible, and poetry must be in traditional Australian ballad format. Michelle encourages writers to think of a modern version of Blinky Bill, Banjo Patterson, Dorothea Mackellar, ‘Wombat Stew’ (I add my own personal favourite ‘Snugglepot and Cuddlepie’) for a new generation of readers.

Michelle Worthington goes on to say ‘We would love aspiring authors of all ages to have the chance to be published in our next Anthology to raise money for Aussie’s doing it tough, with proceeds donated to the NSW Rural Fire Service’.

NOTE: ‘The winning entries will be included in an Anthology to be launched in October 2020, and all successful authors and illustrators will be invited as VIP Guests to the Pyjama Party Book Launch at the Queensland Children’s Hospital and locations around Australia during the launch month.’

Entries open 1 Feb 2020 and close 9pm 30 April 2020

For competition guidelines and entry requirements, visit the website to sign up for Share Your Story newsletter

https://shareyourstorypublishing.com/

Michelle Worthington is an international award-winning author and business woman. As Founder of Share Your Story Australia, she waves her wand to coach aspiring authors and illustrators all over the world to achieve their dreams of publication. Michelle is also available for speaking engagements, book signings and school visits. She runs diverse workshops, and if you are thinking of becoming a writer, check out Share Your Story or visit Facebook or contact Michelle for further information.

IMG_20200315_105328 — Maybe you could rework the legend of NED KELLY (December 1854 – November 1880) an Australian bushranger best known for wearing a suit of bulletproof armour during his final shootout with the police.

Win a Prize by Cheating

Fleur was sick and tired of the competition rules, regulations and conditions which surround the submission of a manuscript. She decided to cheat the system. But one of the worst things is to think you are going to get caught, that you are double-dealing the system, that you’ve done something you shouldn’t have done. Be self-assured?

“Sure, you justify it to yourself that you aren’t going to win a prize in that writers competition anyway so what the heck, give it your best shot, enter four competitions with the same short story under 3,000 words.” Fleur finds her handbag and house keys. “And who cares? First world problems, right? They can only disqualify me. They’ll get an entry fee without the hard slog. What hey, they will do the hard work first. Judges will find out later that I’ve cheated. Well, not exactly cheated, more bent the rules.”

Fleur submitted the exact same story to four different organisations in the hope that one would succeed. Of course, deep down she knows that the story will not succeed. But there’s that tiny little glimmering hope that one entry will win. “Ha,” snaps Fleur’s psyche, ‘you’ll win first, second or third place in each competition and cause a furore.” There will be a lot of huffing and puffing, but Fleur says “I don’t care! Keep the entry fees, frankly I don’t care!” There will be tedious emails pointing out her indiscretion and how naughty she’s been – she don’t care! They can sort it out by themselves. Go ahead, eliminate her, but questions sneak through before the front door closes.

Fleur’s shoes pound the pavement as her rant continues “At the time I think I said to myself that I had not submitted to another competition, however, by the last entry I had. And I didn’t change a word. But here’s two questions for you. How come books and authors can win the Pulitzer Prize, Nobel Prize, Ned Kelly Award, Prix Goncourt, Man Booker Prize, etc, even though they have already won another prize? Or magazine articles which have been reprinted elsewhere with author permission? Like I said, I don’t care!”

“Please, please,” Fleur takes a breath “don’t let me win a place in any more than one competition. I couldn’t stand the hassle. As a matter of fact I don’t quite understand why I did it. Well, in the case of the smaller organisation, I think I did it out of pity to bolster their entry numbers. And in the case of the larger organisation, I think I did it out of spite to prick their egotistical speech bubbles.”

Fleur is expounding this tirade now because three of the organisations have announced their cut-off date, entries have closed. The minor one is still struggling on. “Oh,” she says, her pace slowing “I forgot to mention that I have submitted another manuscript, quite a different story but the same copy to two interstate writing competitions. Their game plans are miles apart, one laidback and one stiff and starchy. The story is rather laidback itself so I will be interested to see if it gets anywhere, I do like it.”

On the subject of slightly ignoring their instructions on the grounds of “get over yourselves, bloody gatekeepers” Fleur couldn’t help adding “If they don’t like it then that’s tough. I don’t care!” She knows she will have second thoughts after formal announcements are made in a few months’ time, and she voices the unsettling assumption that she may be victimised. Fleur has heard tales of editors, indeed publishing houses, blacklisting people and the writing fraternity shunning one of their own for not following the guiding principle of “doing it the right way”.

Fleur stops walking. “Publishers want unusual, they want different, but mostly they are just as rigid as the public service, any spark of individuality snuffed before it ignites. Death to the formula!” She hears her bulky envelope fall into the metal post-box and slams the flap shut. The guidelines stated that all entries must be submitted by email attachment.

♥ Gretchen Bernet-Ward