My Short Story Rejections

Most writers at some time or another, usually early in their literary career, enter a writing competition. It gives you a reason to write when you think you have lost the plot. There is exposure and the bonus of possibly getting a monetary reward. Occasionally there are the perks of receiving feedback from the judges and maybe your work appearing on the relevant website. Not all writing competitions do this, especially if they specify a word/theme which is only used as a one-off with no ongoing relevancy other than it being a writing exercise to aid your creative thinking.

Never put your name on the actual story, write it on the submission form. If A4 size paper is requested (e.g. Word.doc, email attachment, PDF) – if font is requested – if the line spacing is requested – if any other requirements are requested please do it for best results. Another necessary thing you must do is wordcount. Absolutely stick to the specified wordcount. This does not guarantee you will win but it will leave a good impression.

Okay, I know you may have already entered some writing competitions, and perhaps none of this is new to you, but that should not stop you from fully reading the competition rules and guidelines and sticking with them. Be aware that there may be an entry fee for some of the bigger writing challenges. Usually if you are a member of a local writers group you can enter free. Note, I have never been given money as a prize and once a story is published is cannot be used again in competitions.

If you are reading this far, I have included two of my most recent short stories (below) which were written for two key-words supplied by a writers centre prompt. ‘Fragment’ and my piece is titled ‘Rocky Horror.’ Allow me to offer a critique and say the winning entry for ‘Fragment’ was predictably sentimental. The prompt and title for my second tale is ‘One Room Story’.
Anyway, my two stories are short, both are well within the 500 wordcount limit and as you can see they are different styles. Although rejected I did have a sense of achievement writing them. So don’t fall into that Well of Lost Plots.
Great book title, thanks Jasper!

——ROCKY HORROR——
By Gretchen Bernet-Ward 2025
The pavement fractured under her feet and fissures formed. A fragment of rock flew down from a dark sky then bounced back up. Annie fled for the house – fast.
Felicia sniffed, her author brain unimpressed.
“Too much alliteration,” she reasoned, and ducked a meteorite as Annie reached out for the front door handle. The molten mass smashed a jagged hole straight through the door and landed on Annie’s new carpet. It choked the air with sulphurous intent, which caused Annie to wail uncontrollably.
Felicia glanced upward. “That’s not rain.”
Sharp shards showered down onto the rooftop shingles. She held grave fears for their resilience under the rapid assault.
“Cut it out,” she yelled in her head. It stopped.
Now feeling foolish and faintly ridiculous, she quickly wrote down fragments of what had just happened as another gritty fissure crackled towards the house. It wasn’t looking good, she still had an imagination too wild for pre-school books.
Annie shrieked “Help me, please!” a fraction too late as Felicia swiftly drew a thick black line across the previous paragraph.
The workshop lecturer looked up and raised an elegant eyebrow.
“Having trouble with this exercise?” she asked.
Unnoticed by group members, a light sprinkle of insect-like shale bounced and pinged off her neatly groomed head.
“No, no,” replied Felicia, “just trying to control my fractured thoughts.”
She smoothed her notepaper as a resurrected Annie tipped over a metal bin, sending granite boulders rolling silently across the meeting room floor towards the unsuspecting lecturer.
“Actually,” Felicia mused, “I seem to have hit a rocky patch.”

——ONE ROOM STORY——
By Gretchen-Bernet Ward 2025
The waiting room chair had a cracked leather seat which pressed through her summer dress like a blunt knife. She tried to move slightly, knowing mother would hiss, do not fidget. Maybe her button-up shoes could reach the floor, maybe that would ease the pressure on her insides. Heels swung, mother glared.
Only two other people sat in the doctor’s waiting room, the nurse at a desk and an old man with wire-framed spectacles who breathed in and out like a faulty balloon.
Why was she here? It hadn’t been said at breakfast, only that she would miss school for the morning. Like a gift given and snatched away, her stomach churned with what might be waiting for her behind that big brown polished door with its fancy gold lettering. That slow, slow rotation of the brass door knob. She hoped the old man would live long enough to go through first.
The front sash window was slightly ajar but didn’t allow for an escape.
An idea, perhaps she could bolt out the front door while everyone was looking at the surgery door?
No, her mother was fast, even catching squawking hens. 
Glancing around she studied the glass fronted cabinet beside the nurse’s desk. Medicine in small bottles made of brown glass with paper labels and cork stoppers. Bill Beans Laxatives also in their family medicine chest. Saltrates, Alkia, Nitrate of Amyl and her grandmother’s stomach powder. Like medicine daddy gave her at night.
Her body shivered. Time to move. She slid and jumped, the seat tore at her dress.
A black and white tiled dash to the front door but the shiny door handle was unyielding. She tugged hard, memories rose, she whimpered as mother pulled her back.
The nurse steered her to the uncomfortable seat, not to worry, the doctor was a nice man. She remembered daddy had whispered, be good. A special treat tonight.
A quick glance, the hem of her dress torn, she felt bad as her mother quietly wept.

Now it’s your turn to start plotting! Write something wild about the Blue Geese photograph. Or follow through and blog your own prompt and short story. I promise not to critique them. Send me a link to your latest short story and I will post your link below where I have mentioned *Ekphrastic Writing. Whether it be writing or frantically editing to meet a deadline, make something great from those 26 letters of the English alphabet.
You know you can!
📚 Gretchen Bernet-Ward 2025

BLUE GEESE Community Arts project by STREET ART MURALS on Green Hill Reservoir Brisbane Australia https://www.australiansiloarttrail.com/green-hill-reservoir
© image Gretchen Bernet-Ward 2021
Don’t forget to look at my Photo of the Week every Saturday on my home page.

STOP THE PRESS: This information may be of interest!
AUSTRALIAN WRITERS’ RESOURCE
https://www.austwriters.com/competitions
A seriously long list of writing competitions around the world!

The AWR has sourced information from other websites
and no assurance can be given as to its current accuracy.

*Ekphrastic writing is a literary description of a work of art
such as a painting, sculpture, or performance
BUT IT CAN BE USED FOR EVERYDAY ITEMS within a story.

Brisbane Writers Festival for Everyone 2024

You don’t have to be a budding author or full-time writer, all you need is an interest (or perhaps passion) for the written word and those amazing people who write them. You could be a reader, a part-time reader, a bookworm, a scribbler looking for literary inspiration, a serious new writer, or going with a friend who has a crush on the latest bestseller. There are special events galore and authors from far and wide. Make sure you book early!

“From blockbuster bestsellers to literary luminaries and everything in between, BWF 2024 is an unmissable adventure from beginning to end.”

Brisbane Writers Festival 30 May – 2 June 2024 South Bank https://bwf.org.au/

The main reason I enjoy Brisbane Writers Festival is to hear a good yarn up close from my favourite scribes. One year (I probably wrote a blog post about it) I listened to rugged Aussie legend Bryan Brown, screen actor turned writer. Another time UK author Jasper Fforde on a panel, then independently chatted over a group lunch on the terrace, before attending his final address at the closing ceremony—brilliant!

The following info is just a tiny taste of what’s on offer this year. Click on the link and have a look at the BWF website. For a real blast, read the 54-page online program here. Make a list!

Of course, there are books on sale and you can buy as many books and queue for as many celeb authographs (my new best word) as you have desire and stamina. Believe me, I’ve had some great conversations in those queues, and 😊 selfies, with a good book to read at the end of the day.

Gretchen Bernet-Ward

The best for last, my favourite book this year!

AND PLEASE DON’T FORGET THE YOUNG READERS—

Mark Wednesday 22nd May 2024 on your calendar!
Everyone around Australia will read this picture book together! Contact your local library to find out details!
https://alia.org.au/Web/Web/Events/NSS/ALIA-National-Simultaneous-Storytime-2024.aspx?hkey=ba22a12e-c39f-4f7f-bbb9-d1f983e89ad5

You Read Jasper Fforde Yet?

The author who pulled me back into reading…

On the brink of health and family dilemmas, I was flaying around to get my mind off what was happening, not settling on anything, unable to find something which would give me peace of mind even for a short time. I had lost my way regarding books, those recommended were not my style, and everyone seemed to be pushing their own agenda. Looking at you Goodreads. Naturally all the publishers had Number One Bestsellers. After all, an author has to eat, drink and support a family too. But nothing clicked for quite some time. Until…

Did you hear the drumroll? Or get a soft-fade kind of feeling?

A reverie, down memory lane…

I had a flex-day off work and decided to trot down to the small local shopping centre where the mobile library van parked once a week. Those were the days when you could park because everyone actually went to work in person in the city. Anyway, the mobile library was like a family caravan with shelves and books instead of bunk beds. The updated version is huge with flash modern stuff inside (and out) like a library space ship on wheels.

Sorry I digress. I actually visited twice before I selected a book. Of course my library card had expired so I set that up again. The book I had returned for was The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde, a UK author who, fortunately for me, had already published more books in the series. The one I carefully placed in my carry bag was obviously well-handled so I thought that was a good sign. Please note the bookcover had been artistically distressed. The Well Of Lost Plots (above) is my favourite through the prose portal, although other readers don’t feel this way when it comes to favourites, but I think it suited my Literatech nature.

If I had been in an advertisement for Gold Lotto Pot of Gold I would have had a rainbow encircle me as I started to read.
What is going on? Is this bloke off his rocker? This is fantastic! What an oddly intriguing twist!
Spec-Ops inside books!
Thursday Next is promoted to Detective Sergeant and inducted into SpecOps-27, the Literary Detective division of the Special Operations Network.
As you may have guessed I also liked the late Douglas Adams and his Hitch Hiker’s Guide To The Galaxy so perhaps I was already predisposed to Jasper Fforde – anyway he took everything one step further, then another, and soon I was racing along with Thursday Next in Bookworld, a place which is familiar yet different. Not too scary, not too weird, just right.
And Thursday’s career and family life grow with each book.
From our world to the worlds created inside books, some very well known, with many inventive twists – and humorous twists too.
I loved it. Still do!

GBW 2023

The Well Of Lost Plots (above) remains my favourite absurdist fiction story, although now I fluctuate having enjoyed a similar sense of weird comedic novels from UK author Jodi Taylor, her Chronicles of St Mary’s series about a group of disaster-prone historians who investigate major events throughout history… they are very clever, well, not necessarily the historians but the way Jodi Taylor writes them. I haven’t revisited either series in a while… sharpening focus… back to the world inside books…

Check out these titles:

Thursday Next Series
   1. The Eyre Affair (2001)
   2. Lost in a Good Book (2002)
   3. The Well of Lost Plots (2002)
   4. Something Rotten (2003)
   5. First Among Sequels (2007)
   6. One of Our Thursdays Is Missing (2011)
   7. The Woman Who Died A Lot (2012)

Jasper Fforde has written other book series for adults as well as teenage readers which I own and have reviewed in the past. Apparently he will have a looong awaited sequel Red Side Story to join his much-loved Shades Of Grey. Yes, ironically published at the same time as THAT book but no connection whatsoever. The blurb says “The long-awaited sequel to Jasper Fforde’s cult bestseller Shades of Grey, set in a world where social hierarchy revolves entirely around visual colour.”

I cannot stress enough how readable his books are so visit his website—https://www.jasperfforde.com/

Back again to my discovery story! Pretty soon I had devoured (and reviewed) Jasper Fforde’s subsequent books, starting with The Eyre Affair through to The Woman Who Died A Lot. Love his YA The Last Dragonslayer, a four-part series featuring young orphan Jennifer Strange, and his newer standalone novels are just as quirky, just as enjoyable.

I kept tabs on his works and even purchased merchandise, the black Spec-Ops cap still fits but the t-shirt is a tad small now. I attended his author talks and book festivals here in Australia and, another drumroll please, actually joined a private group chat at Brisbane Writers Festival with drinks and hors d’oeuvre and devoted fans. See blog https://thoughtsbecomewords.com/2019/09/15/brisbane-writers-festival-notes-part-3/

The only glitch was that we were all too tongue-tied to actually chat to him like a real person. I think I said something about his newest standalone (not part of the Thursday Next series) but that was it. I will know better next time 😃

Gretchen Bernet-Ward 2023

Extreme Reading Competition Buzz

Warning, this post may contain humour.

There are many types of competition in the world. In fact thousands of competitions exist in the world. From sport to just about anything you care to name can be made into a challenge involving a ball, a bat, a horse, a swimming pool, eating, drinking, singing, running, dancing, driving, outer space, and let’s not forget the longest, the highest, the bravest, the most foolhardy things to outdo anyone who has tried before.

Of course, more and more now, competing involves a chat show panel or video camera following near-naked people running around the jungle working up a sweat for the ratings and a big pay cheque. Celebrity shows, quiz shows, unreality television, cooking, antiques, and growing gardens. From local country fairs to big city boardrooms, they all love a good competition. Supermarkets and used car dealers love a bit of sales competition and are currently discussing book sponsorship—I wish!

Disco toads dance the night away

Schools thrive on competition; I think many children are born competitive, it starts with their siblings and works toward world domination. Queenslanders have several forms of competition (gambling casinos, Golden Casket Lottery, Scratch-its, leagues clubs) and one unique game requiring ugly cane toads which jump around when a bucket is lifted off them. (See photo) The first toad to leave the circle or careen through the crowd is the winner. Ugh! Cane toads are an imported noxious pest, destroying habitat and native wildlife. I would like to see a competition to have them eradicated from Australia.

Hey, jumping into a subject which would be impossible to turn into a spectator sport—BOOK READING!

Hang on, isn’t that what Goodreads reviewers do? Yeah, but not with a live studio audience. Maybe this is feasible. “Now,” whispers the show host, “here we have Angela Augustus reading a chapter from a special edition of The Animals in That Country by Laura Jean McKay.” Not classical literature so reader-viewers (or RVs) won’t lose points. “Hands on buzzers”.

Adult Content. Australian native animals not include with book © Gretchen Bernet-Ward 2021

Announcer One: “Watch Angela turn the last page, slowly turning the page, right she’s done it! The audience goes wild and everyone at home clambers online to secure a copy of The Animals in That Country an immersive adult experience with subtle undertones and high drama.”

Announcer Two: “Next up, viewers, we have Angus Augustus, Angela’s twin brother. He is quick, too quick and the audience miss his speed reading, lips barely moving. They admire his patent page-flick technique and the flourish when he shoots the book into its alphabetical place on the bookshelf.”

Book reader Angus is studied by thousands of wannabe speed readers around the country. But what about comprehension? Sports players have to speak into the microphone to explain How they did it/Why they did it/What it felt like when they did it. So put Angus on the pro circuit, tentatively dubbed Real Reading Australia 2030, thanking his mother and first grade teacher. He waves battered copies of Blinky Bill, Possum Magic or even the contentious Wombat Stew, then moves onto Bluey, Animalia and Ranger’s Apprentice enthralling thousands of children across Australia—again, I wish.

The ground swell back to paper books would archive digital copies, screens would go unlit, there would be reading time in every home after dinner. Renegades would read Jasper Fforde far into the night despite work next day. It would not be unusual to see readers sitting for hours engrossed in a p-book instead of an e-book without a café latte or muffin in sight.

A book engrosses a person, it takes all your attention no flashy adverts therefore it is advisable to slowly build up to bigger, thicker, weighty classics. It can be done! Librarians offer recommendations for a good Book Gym where staff talk you through a workout to suit your particular genre. Believe me, people are keen and waiting to read. The first-release promo videos astonished me with reader focus and intensity. I love reading Australian crime novels but cannot discussed top Aussie authors due to Brook Paige TV Clause—another wish.

I myself have entered the genuine Irish William Trevor Challenge reading “Love and Summer” please check out my book review here:
https://thoughtsbecomewords.com/2023/02/14/william-trevor-love-and-summer-review/

My advice is to create a comfortable environment and read up on your chosen author’s booklist before enrolling in the proposed *Real Reading Australia 2030. The genres for this thrilling competition can go either way—traditional or modern—but paper format rules. Polish your *specs dear reader!

Gretchen Bernet-Ward
© Gretchen Bernet-Ward 2023

* Aussie for reading glasses

* This opinion piece is as fictional as the stories I read
(but maybe it’s possible)
GBW Australia

Jasper Fforde ‘The Great Troll War’ Book Review

The literary equivalent of a supernova, sheer plotting brilliance, mind blown!

The Trolls are looking hungry and humans are on the menu. In besieged Cornwall, unhealthy scenarios are playing out and Jennifer Strange, Court Mystician to the Kingdom of Snodd, does not like it one bit.

Jennifer is always cool under pressure and prepares to take action, indeed it is her destiny. She is joined by her best friend Tiger, the sword Exhorbitus, a VW Beetle with links to her past, and a Quarkbeast. Meanwhile megolomaniac Mighty Shandar is a sorcerer out to conquer the world and needs another Quarkbeast to do it.

Jennifer hopes the Button Trench will hold back the ravenous hordes and that Mighty Shandar will back off. He ain’t gettin’ her Quarkbeast that’s for sure.

The Last Dragonslayer novels by Jasper Fforde missing the last book!

Unfortunately even regular characters Lady Mawgon and sorceress Once Magnificent Boo are floundering to find ways to thwart the ever-expanding evil. Drooling Trolls are multiplying daily and Mighty Shandar’s over-inflated ego expands by the minute.

In the mix are—Royal Princess Shazine Snodd in a commoner’s body whom glamour boy Sir Matt Grifflon is keen to marry; Mighty Shandar’s obsequious assistant Miss D’Argento; the two delightful reconnaissance dragons Feldspar and Colin (I learned how dragons make flames) plus integral quirky characters throughout. The likes of Kevin Zip and Full Price add to the story and you will probably recognise their personalities whether or not you have read the other books. But as the ubiquitous footnotes hint, read the other books!

Just as The Big Bang Theory song says “Maths, science, history, unravelling the mystery…” this book has it all, from subtle throwbacks, movie references, intertextuality, the Chrysler Building, to a very different type of submarine Bellerophon. I was surprised by an unexpected, unnamed Special Guest appearance—breaking the fourth wall—I would love to say who and why but in respect to spoilers I will abstain.

Over the years, author Jasper Fforde’s signature wit has given his readers a slightly skewed look at locations in Wales but this time it’s Penzance where Bergerac TV actor John Nettles has become an icon, venerated with a bronze statue in the town square. Jennifer ponders her life as she strolls through beautiful Morrab Gardens.

+Jasper Fforde will be in North Cornwall for the Book Festival 24-25 September 2022+

I think Royal pomp and circumstance take a bit of a pounding in this Dragonslayer plot, so the unscheduled appearance of Molly the Troll is a zany twist. As Jennifer says “I can’t think of much that isn’t weird about all this.” The wizard Great Zambini says “Bigger and bolder than anything you can imagine” and he’s right. Jennifer knows a reconnoitre is needed so she and the dragons set off on a dangerous mission with devastating results and further repercussions.

Great quotes emerge from The Great Troll War.

For instance the soulless sorcerer Mighty Shandar outlines his evil plan “A conscience is as much a barrier to knowledge as biology is to eternal life.”

But he doesn’t hear these words:

“Shandar knows that while utter ruthlessness is a useful skill for taking power,” said Mother Zenobia, head of the Sisters of the Lobster Orphanage, “it’s overrated when it comes to keeping power… it’s amazing how quickly subjects tire of their tyrant once the mass murder begins.”

The Great Troll War by Jasper Fforde
Last Dragonslayer Series

The Great Troll War is the ingenious fourth and final book in The Last Dragonslayer series promoted at young adult readers but I believe it sits nicely in that unique niche reserved for novels devoured by all age groups. Those interested in a retro-present-day twist on believability, tweaking the norm and perhaps even glimpsing into the future while grounded in the everyday.

Find out the truth about the orphanage and Jennifer’s absentee parents, what role buttons play, and how not to recruit warriors. Oh, yes, stay away from creepy Hollow Men. I loved the chunks of humour and lightbulb moments as strategies are worked out amid the ever-present whiff of disaster and universal annihilation.

At the heart of The Great Troll War Jasper Fforde has written a relatable fantasy sci-fi story about the power of friendship and trust, with strong messages on clear-thinking and using available knowledge to work out the best, most logical and kindest way to end a war before it starts.

Jennifer certainly has a tough job.

Gretchen Bernet-Ward

———————————

The Last Dragonslayer synopsis for the series below:

Dragon image not on bookcover © Gretchen Bernet-Ward 2022

The Last Dragonslayer (2010)
In which we meet Jennifer Strange, learn about Kazam and a Dragon is despatched but not without magnificent events that lead on to a Big Magic.

The Song of the Quarkbeast (2011)
The King wants to control magic and use it for his own ends, but Jennifer and Kazam will not let that happen, and we learn what may happen if Quarkbeasts collide.

The Eye of Zoltar (2013)
Jennifer goes on what is emphatically not a quest in the Cambrian Empire. She finds the mysterious Eye of Zoltar and also learns a thing or two about Jeopardy Tourism.

The Great Troll War (2021)
A ramshackle band of humans hold out against the Troll invaders led by Jennifer Strange. An evil mastermind is plotting a dastardly plan, and all seems hopeless. Or is it?

Special Features section on the website has details about each book, places to order it, and a host of extra information. None of Jasper Fforde’s books have a chapter 13. You can read more on his website: FAQ

Addendum: I often recommend Jasper Fforde’s books (one reviewed for Reading Wales #dewithon) and have always admired his inventive out-there writing style. Try the series Thursday Next or Nursery Crimes, or one of his stand-alone novels like The Constant Rabbit. GBW.

Concurrently Reading Four Books

Concurrently reading in May 2022 © Gretchen Bernet-Ward 2022

Many people read more than one book at a time and I have been doing this for several years. If one book is slow or doesn’t capture my immediate interest, I switch to another one. Plots and characters never seem to get confused because I usually read different genres.

And I always like to finish a book!

Watch out for a special blog post for my 100th Book Review. This milestone took me by surprise. I have many more reviews on Goodreads but I personalise my blog post reviews.

Have a quick look at Fantastic Fiction, my favourite go-to resource:

https://www.fantasticfiction.com/f/jasper-fforde/great-troll-war.htm

https://www.fantasticfiction.com/h/margaret-hickey/cutters-end.htm

https://www.fantasticfiction.com/w/h-g-wells/invisible-man.htm

https://www.fantasticfiction.com/m/val-mcdermid/1979.htm

Gretchen Bernet-Ward

JOIN A LOCAL BOOK CLUB AND BE SURPRISED!

Jasper Fforde ‘The Constant Rabbit’ Book Review

IMG_20200724_134144

Most readers will grasp the fact that this book is not going to be about Bugs Bunny.  Jasper Fforde’s unique trademark of invective wit and critical observation cover politics, racism, sexism, bureaucracy and libraries.  Actually the library in the village of Much Hemlock has reverted to the old card system but is still afloat despite very tight restrictions.  Some reviewers say this book is a departure from Fforde’s usual style but I disagree.  Jasper Fforde has always been out-there, although his unique writing charm has become more prominent since Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett left the room.

The main protagonists are village newcomer Constance Rabbit and long-time residents Peter Knox and his daughter Pippa.  Despite cultural differences, they meet in the library and become friends.  And the book title?  I thought it had something to do with “The Constant Gardener” by John le Carré but in a Zoom interview via Avid Reader Bookshop, Brisbane, Mr Fforde himself said that it refers to people rabbiting on, e.g. constantly talking – so there you go.

Rabbits rarely lie,” said Pippa.  “They take their greatest pride in preserving most strongly the parts of them that aren’t us”. Thus rabbits walk tall but do lean towards the tonal qualities of Beatrix Potter so it’s a shock when UKARP United Kingdom Anti-Rabbit Party rears its ugly head, ready to enforce rehoming of rabbits to a Mega Warren in Wales.  Things don’t look good for Connie but she’s not going to hop away.  Can sharing her difficulties with her neighbour cause romance to blossom over a lettuce salad?  But wait, average bloke Peter hides a dark secret.

Jasper Fforde Zoom Chat The Constant Rabbit 2020 Image
Jasper Fforde reads a portion of his new book The Constant Rabbit during Zoom interview via Avid Reader Bookshop, West End, Brisbane, Australia in July 2020 https://avidreader.com.au/products/the-constant-rabbit-1

As the byline reads “It’ll take a rabbit to teach a human humanity…” and for any reader with an open mind that’s what this book achieves.  Situations run parallel to today’s world like a surreal split in the time-continuum, engaging satire and brazen behaviour with apprehension and alarm.  It doesn’t take much effort to transpose our current social and political climate over the chapters.  It rapidly becomes clear that the intertextual remarks are meaningful and at times confronting.

Like the home-created experiments that lived and breathed in Thursday Next (in earlier Fforde books Pickwick the Dodo was made from a kit) Connie’s large family had not been the only animals caught up in the 1965 Spontaneous Anthropomorphising Event.  Six weasels, five guinea pigs, three foxes, a Dalmatian, a badger, nine bees and a caterpillar suffered disorders.  What happened to them is succinctly explained. 

Chapter “Searching in vain & Shopping in town” Connie talks about her acting career and lets slip a few movie names. There’s even a dig at the Playboy Bunny era.  I could have done with more illustrations as per previous books but real product brand names and clever wordplay are liberally sprinkled throughout the story; and organisations like TwoLegsGood, Rabxit, and RabCoT exist alongside old-school references, a mixture of “jolly good chap” and 2020 tactile sensibility.

IMG_20201014_091628
Part illustration taken from frontispiece drawn by Bill Mudron of Portland, Oregon USA (and my cast-iron rabbit)  https://www.billmudron.com/

What I like about Fforde’s writing style is the wry humour, he tells it like it is – with a twist.  The smarmy Senior Group Leader, Mr Torquil Ffoxe does not escape being lampooned for about forty permutations of the double ff in his name when “All, without exception, were pronounced Fox” so is that a dig at Fforde’s own moniker or reader misinterpretation?

In my opinion, this book is vaguely similar to George Orwell’s “Animal Farm” but does not match because in “The Constant Rabbit” Fforde has significantly placed every name, action and event to create an edgy kind of intimacy, an uncomfortably familiar stab of recognition for readers.  With Manor Farm you feel things won’t turn out right; in Much Hemlock you want things to turn out right.  Best of all, Connie Rabbit has joined the illustrious list of strong female characters Jasper Fforde has written over the length of his literary career.

Gretchen Bernet-Ward


IMG_20190907_185124Author Profile:

Jasper Fforde has been writing in the Comedy/Fantasy genre since 2001 when his novel “The Eyre Affair” debuted on the New York Times Bestseller list. Since then he has published 14 more books (which include a YA trilogy) with several becoming bestsellers, and counts his sales in millions. “The Constant Rabbit” is his 15th novel.

Jasper Fforde previously worked in the film industry, and now lives and writes in Wales UK. His oeuvre consists of series and standalones and his recent novel “Early Riser” is a thriller set in a world in which humans have always hibernated; his latest book “The Constant Rabbit” about anthropomorphised rabbits becoming the underclass in a post-Brexit Britain was published 2020.

Check out Dan Simpson’s blog Writer’s Routine for Jasper Fforde audio interview.
All you ever wanted to know
http://www.jasperfforde.com/

Brisbane Writers Festival Notes Part 3

IMG_20170527_084739_BURST001_COVER
‘The World Turns’ by Michael Parekowhai. In his bronze casts, the small native water rat, the kuril (seen near the 5-metre tall elephant) is the hero. Along with the traditional Aboriginal custodians, the kuril is one of the caretakers of the land on which Gallery of Modern Art and this sculpture stand beside the river.

Sunday morning dawned bright and clear.  First, Jasper Fforde ‘Book Club’ up close and personal on the River Deck at State Library of Queensland, commencing at the civilised time of 10am.  I only managed one rather dull photograph because I didn’t feel comfortable breaking the reverent atmosphere.  Other times, it’s just not polite.

I waited with a friendly group of fans (all with different favourite books) as savoury snacks, cheeses, fresh fruit and small packs of mixed nuts were being put on low tables between an eclectic selection of chairs.  I watched the bar staff setting up with wine and soft drinks.  Scatter cushions were put on long low bench seating and I had my eye on a nice cosy corner.

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Left to right – book reader guest, Jasper Fforde, moderator, on the River Deck at State Library of Queensland looking across the Brisbane River towards the city.

Guest-of-honour Jasper Fforde talked about his 20-year career working in the film industry with some big names before he decided to write full-time.  He has 14 books under his literary belt.  These books are called post-modern, sort of parallel universe crime novels; he takes our world and tweaks it.  For example, Spec-Ops Thursday Next lives and works inside books, and in ‘Early Riser’ the Welsh population hibernate throughout winter with strange dreams and unsettling encounters.  Have a read of this New York Times review.  Jasper discussed his writing style, his books, and forthcoming standalone ‘The Constant Rabbit’.

Unfortunately I do not remember the name of our moderator, I know she taught creative writing.  She kicked off the Q&A session for us but we were a rather sedate bunch so no fierce debates ensued.  I asked Jasper about the gender ambiguity of Charlie Worthing in ‘Early Riser’ and how it was questioned on social media, adding it must have been difficult to write but it works.  The closest example mentioned was Virginia Woolf and ‘Orlando’ which contains gender androgyny.

As we sat and snacked and sipped, the view across Brisbane River towards the city was ever-changing.  CityCat ferries, a police patrol boat, the Kookaburra Queen paddle wheeler, and a jet boat or two cruised by, almost like a continually scrolling film.

Time was up!  All too soon it was over and I was smuggling a packet of mixed nuts into my bag for later.  I decided to get serious with the bookshop and purchased the items you see below.

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You know what happens, you go in browsing the books and next thing you are looking at all the book-related paraphernalia. Saw this book lover’s mug and couldn’t resist buying it. Happily, it features most of my favourite classics but it is a big mug and so far I haven’t been able to finish a full beverage.

Last item on my agenda, last but not least, was the Closing Address ‘This Way Humanity’.

Soon evening and 5.30pm arrived, as did the audience who piled into The Edge auditorium to hear Jasper Fforde’s closing words on a pretty heavy topic.  He delivered a personal 40-minute speech, going straight to the heart of the matter, raising pertinent questions on our future.  He gave examples about past, present and Little Daisy as yet unborn but what of her future.  Thoughts on where humanity is headed and the universal importance of literacy and book-reading and how we must dare to ignite and explore our imagination.

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The Edge auditorium, the audience hushed as Jasper Fforde delivered his 40-minute closing address entitled ‘This Way Humanity’.

To be honest, I couldn’t absorb all of the closing address, a thought-provoking mixture of insights and humour, and I’m hoping it will be available online for everyone to read.

By now I was getting hungry.  After a stroll through South Bank Parklands with family, we dined at the delightfully casual South Bank eatery Hop & Pickle where I had a super-duper fresh fish supper.

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After the Closing Speech, a stroll through South Bank Parklands and a relaxed dinner at Hop And Pickle on Little Stanley Street. “Proud purveyors of pub gastronomy”

On the walk back to the bus station, we bought sweet treats from Doughnut Time.  Yum!

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Walking back to the Cultural Centre bus station and just happened to spy the hole-in-the-wall Doughnut Time. Exotic delights with gorgeous names and way too much sugar and spice and all things nice. Yes, they did make it home before being devoured!

As you can see, I attended morning and evening events over the four days.  I travelled by council bus to and from each event.  That adds up to 10 bus trips of approximately 45 minutes duration each.  Yes, tedious, but I saved on parking fees and had a relaxing read during the journey.  Sometimes the bus was almost empty and on the last night it was packed so I stood up the whole way.

My visits were concentrated on one author (as you would have deduced!) yet each event was varied in presentation and content and I am very happy with the outcome.

I started my journey in the early morning with a smokey orange sky over the city.  Here is the same spot four days later looking twinkly in the late evening as I say goodbye to Brisbane Writers Festival for another year.  Safe travels, Mr Fforde.

Gretchen Bernet-Ward

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The Ending – nightlife – view from South Bank footbridge, looking across the river towards Brisbane City.

Brisbane Writers Festival Notes Part 2

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The Beginning – dust haze – view from South Bank footbridge, looking across the river towards Brisbane City.

This morning dawned an apocalyptic orange, heavy with outback smoke and dust.  Gone was the bright blue of springtime.  As I neared the city, gusty winds swirled around, making it difficult to know whether earth particles were coming in or being blown away.  Blinking dry eyes, I photographed the pallid light which struggled to illuminate the city skyline.

I was pretty annoyed at the weather’s bad timing.  With thousands of people, both local and international, converging on South Bank for the Brisbane Writers Festival, it made outdoor conditions uncomfortable.  I spared a thought for the farmers and those suffering terribly as bushfires rage across Queensland. We need our wet season now!

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View of Brisbane City from council bus window, the morning light seemed lifeless, glazed in outback dust as the 2019 drought worsens.

I was trying not to hurry.  I could taste the dust as it rasped in and out of my lungs.  Nerves and excitement made me shallow breathe, this was the first morning event at Brisbane Writers Festival.  After a quick swig from my water bottle, I headed towards State Library.   “Slow down”, I chided.  “Take a photo of the whales”.

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Life-size adult Humpback Whales and calf in the walkway of Queensland Museum, Brisbane, with complex underwater songs. The Humpback Whale (Megaptera novaeangliae) occurs in all oceans of the world. Herds migrate along the Queensland coast between winter breeding and summer feeding grounds. This species was given complete protection by the International Whaling Commission in the southern and northern hemispheres. Today, the eastern Australian Humpback Whales show signs of strong recovery from commercial whaling. “Save The Whales”

After my paper ticket was beeped, I entered the Queensland Writers Centre rooms, oh, the joy of filtered air.  I settled into a well-designed (and comfortable) white upholstered chair ready for “Writing Futures”.  Placed in front of me was a bowl of sweets to fortify and information to read.  Two people were already standing beside a whiteboard.  One was the QWC spokesperson and the other was UK author Jasper Fforde.  He was about to give us a three-hour almost non-stop workshop based on his “narrative dare” principle.  Pens, paper and iPads were certainly worked overtime!

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I tiptoed past the Zen garden so as not to wake the sleeping rocks or disturb the gravel waves.

On arrival next day, a more pleasant day, I turned the corner and there was the solid, colourful comfort of Angel’s Place, a 7.5metre high dome structure which features a print of an original artwork created by artist Gordon Hookey.  Angel’s Palace is a multi-disciplinary collaboration that represents the voice of Indigenous Australia and celebrates Aboriginal storytelling and literature in a powerful experience for audiences.

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Angel’s Place on Maiwar Green outside the Gallery of Modern Art where special performances of Carpentaria were held throughout the Brisbane Writers Festival from panel discussions to secrets of the land.

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Angel’s Place, Brisbane Writers Festival, where ancient stories are told about Carpentaria. Here lives the spirit nest of the ancient serpent, a creature larger than storm clouds, who came down from the stars. On top of the snake’s spirit nest lies Angel’s Palace, the home of Angel Day. Look closely…

While I was photographing Angel’s Place, I heard a cultured Englishman’s voice behind me, asking a question about the dome.  I recognised that voice!  Sure enough, when I swung around I saw author Jasper Fforde walking past, heading towards Gallery of Modern Art with others on the “Dream Worlds” panel.  A fanfic moment rushed over me.  Before I knew it I was following the VIP group.  Walk, click, click, walk and they disappeared inside.  The audience was ushered in shortly afterwards and we took our seats in Cinema B for some serious (and silly) stuff on sleep and dreams.

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The weather had cleared and it was much finer on the second day of Brisbane Writers Festival. The arrow points to UK author Jasper Fforde followed by “Dream Worlds” panel moderator Sarah L’Estrange of ABC Radio National which broadcast the event.

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“Dream Worlds” panel discussion (left to right) moderator Sarah L’Estrange, guest authors USA Karen Thompson Walker, UK Jasper Fforde, Australia Krissy Kneen. And I purchased each of their books.

Official link to ABC Radio National audio recording https://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/the-book-show/dreams-bwf/11506864

Had lunch at home prior to returning for “Early Riser: An Evening Conversation” with Jasper Fforde and hosted by John Birmingham in The Edge auditorium, State Library of Queensland.  Tough words, Jasper doesn’t swear but John does, and there were jibes, a bite to their conversation.  Jasper talked about the creation of his current book and John advised him not to give away any spoilers.

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Author Jasper Fforde and author/moderator John Birmingham at Brisbane Writers Festival 2019. I always had a good view of the proceedings and noted that the majority of attendees were women. Do women read more, are women more aware of literary diversity?

Below is what the queue looked like while I was waiting for Jasper Fforde’s autograph.  And I stood with an old work colleague I met quite by accident.  Jasper kindly signed my copy of “Early Riser”, stamped it This book has been declare SKILLZERO Protocol Approved”—an author/reader joke—and tucked a postcard inside.  I asked him what his favourite pet would be, Dodo or Quarkbeast, and he said Quarkbeast (from “The Last Dragonslayer” series) so the family was happy.

You may have noticed that I do not describe the full content of each event.  This is personal preference, I don’t want to divulge things which may be copyright.

The organisation and facilities for this experience are first-class and everything ran smoothly.  As a past volunteer at other literary occasions, I appreciated the knowledge and friendliness of the current volunteers.  Their fluorescent aqua t-shirts stood out!

Another day draws to a close.  I looked forward to tomorrow and perusing more free activities, strolling around the abundant bookshop, then chatting at author “Book Club” with drinks and nibbles, sitting on cushions in the sunshine on the River Deck at State Library.  It’s not difficult to appreciate the luxury of it all.

Ciao for now!

Gretchen Bernet-Ward

Brisbane Writers Festival Notes Part 1

Hi there, a diary entry to say that I am locked into five events over four days at the Brisbane Writers Festival and have attended session ‘Workshop: Writing Futures’ with UK author Jasper Fforde in QWC rooms which I thought ran for one hour, instead it turned out to be three hours.  Value for money!

Jasper Fforde’s takeaway tip for writers: Plausibility Not Believability.  There ain’t nuthin’ that bloke don’t know about writing parallel worlds and alternate futures.

Luckily I had tucked a muesli bar and bottle of water into my bag which helped stave off hunger as I listened avidly to every enlightening word.  Jasper Fforde is humorous, full of helpful advice and open to questions.  I was bold enough to asked a question or two about his ‘The Last Dragonslayer’ trilogy—although Spec-Ops and Thursday Next will always be my favourite.  During the Festival there will be plenty of time for book signings.

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https://bwf.org.au/

Roll on Saturday and a panel discussion ‘Dream Worlds’ in Cinema B Gallery of Modern Art, being recorded by ABC Radio National, with Australian author Krissy Kneen, American author Karen Thompson Walker and UK author Jasper Fforde.  They are followed by ‘Early Riser’ Conversation at The Edge, State Library of Queensland, South Bank, then Sunday ‘Book Club’ chat with Jasper Fforde on SLQ River Deck.  There is a closing address on Sunday evening ‘This Way Humanity’ and in the meantime I can avail myself of a Festival freebie or two.

Springtime here, it’s dry and unseasonably hot in Brisbane followed by bushfire smoke and dusty high winds so I’ve had to rework my wardrobe.  My bus GoCard is topped up, I have the BWF tickets printed, I am good to go.  Hopefully I will post more in-depth snippets next week.  In the meantime, type Jasper Fforde into my search bar to view my past posts.

The photograph (below) shows the way I walk to State Library of Queensland, underneath the singing whales in the roof outside the Queensland Museum.  Always reminds me of the whale in Douglas Adams ‘Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy’.

Bye for now . . . to be continued.

Gretchen Bernet-Ward

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Life-size whale calf in the roof outside Queensland Museum, Brisbane.